I studied this book as my primary source in preparing and drafting my second crime/mystery book. That is one reason why I mostly substituted the word ‘child’ with ‘defiant’. The other reason is I’m trying to apply the book context to retarded adults rather than to defiant children. Retarded adults are children anyway right?
The whole family can lose its affection for each other. Parents blame each other for the destructive behavior of the defiant one. Siblings can end up hostile toward parents and the defiant sibling. That’s how one defiant can bring the whole family down.
Important Facts to Remember
The defiant’s behavior is all up to you. Why? Because the greatest potential for control of the defiant’s behavior is in the environment and the enormous part of the environment is YOU.
The defiant acts the way he do because he can’t see things the way you do, i.e., difference of perspectives.
The fastest way to determine why the defiant acts the way he do is to look at yourself. Can you see the defiant’s attitude in yourself? If so, you are the problem or the root of it.
You encourage bad behavior to get worse when you show you have a breaking point and use cumulative punishment. You finally lose patience and decide to punish or give up and temporarily reward defiant behavior thereby creating a time bomb — the inevitable physical violence.
Overreacting suddenly to a certain defiant’s behavior will prevent the defiant from learning specific consequences for specific types of misbehavior. The defiant can’t build a predictable framework of action and reaction without that learning. Offer incentives like ‘reward points’ instead of using punishment.
Remember, this is just a fraction of what I learned from the book.